befores, beneaths & behinds

some things you realize only when you have it, lost it, then get it back again. it is the getting back again that makes the difference, rather than the losing it. cos once you’ve lost it, you become accustomed to living without it. you get used to seeing the hole and get numbed to the ache. when you get it back, it all rushes back to you, both pain and joy.

i realize the one of the things i miss most about school (sec school, not really jc) is the excitement to meet people. the high when i wake up in the morning cos i know i’m gonna have so much to talk, can’t wait to meet classmates etc. lol perhaps i’m peering into my memory with rosy-hued lenses… but it’s nice to actually look forward to meeting friends. to be something more than misanthropic -.- lol

i finished audrey niffeneger’s ‘her fearful symmetry’! it’s a story about twins and ghosts and identity and possession. and the amazing thing is. it was so nice. she’s e only one that can turn cheap horror and scifi (a person who has a genetic disease that causes him to travel in time? like wth that’s ludicrous) into literature~ powerful. i love her technique of having a conversation then putting what each person really means in italics. lol that will work wonders in a play or a graphic novel with panels and facial expressions.

“huh so where are you all going?” are you going home or going driving range? you wear so nice is it because it’s just after work or are you really following us for mass?
“i’m going to park the car la! just get out.” what the hell why are you asking. i’m obviously just going to park the car. stupid question. just get out already.
“oh… ok” ouch. that was… surprisingly painful. did he have to reply so scathingly? ugh i hope he saw my hurt expression and feels guilty about it.
“why is he so grumpy?” i completely didn’t deserve that. hmph
“ya lor what’s up with him?” duh. he’s just being hitler. what’s new?
grumpy? no la.” he’s just probably stressed with work or something. the children don’t understand.

and then they lived happily ever after =)


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About Mel

I dreamt I was a whale.