liver’s session today was nice. we were split into 3 groups and each group took 4/5 stations and we re-enacted stations of e cross. it was interestg lol. i think all our sessions now damn high lvl. cos we’re individualizing them so much tt they’re so unique. and altho it doesn’t work for every single person, e freshness of e session is enough to send a msg.
my ‘epiphany’, or my god-moment came near e end. aft e stations were completed, liver had a para liturgy. he had us hold a nail with us, and to offer it up in a basin in front of e wooden heavy-ass cross tt we lugged down to e log room for session. and holdg e nail, i started connectg e dots of my insights:
1). e nails pin e body to e cross. they deny his freedom, and his dignity, and his life.
2). only aft e nails are removed can jesus be taken down from e cross and laid in e tomb. tt sets e stage for his new life to begin.
3). e nails are e cause of his death.
4). death is required for new life.
as i held e nail in my hand, i tot abt what tt nail symbolized to me. and my muse told me it was my s-project. these are e dots:
1). my s-project has denied my freedom – to feel, and to love. i feel myself crossing e threshold of ‘being ok w being alone’ to ‘not wantg to bother abt other ppl’.
2). only aft my s-project has ended will i b able to be fully who i am again, to empathize fully again.
3). e s-project has caused a part of me to die away – e inability to face loneliness.
4). this death is necessary for a new way of life – to be vulnerable enough to get emotionally attached, yet knowg and acceptg e inevitable loneliness tt comes from it, and being able to deal w it.
tt realization hit me quite strongly. i don’t think i’m puttg it across v well, but at tt moment, i know it did. and when i offered up tt nail, i sense tt e end of my s-project has come. it’s time i returned to god e nail he has given me. it’s time to find new life.
looks like yet another excitg phase of life is upcoming~