Ennui

One of the benefits of having a large vocabulary (which does not include showing off because that’s just silly) is that you have access to words that people don’t really understand because it’s not used in an everyday context. This has two practical implications. The first is that you can use those words wantonly, recklessly, without bothering if you’re using it the right way because you know that most people don’t know how they are actually used in the first place. The second is that you can express yourself with precision using those words, with the security that many people won’t know what you really mean, and the few that do should be similar enough to you to empathize with what you are trying to express.

‘Ennui’ makes me think of an abominable snowman. When I say ‘ennui’ to myself, I have this image of a big fuzzy white creature trudging on two legs through the snow. He’s not really malevolent, but he’s kinda not smart enough to be compassionate either. He just lumbers. Like one of those big creatures in ‘Where the Wild Things Are’.

I think ‘ennui’ came to mind because that is probably how I’m supposed to feel. Or at least how someone else would think I feel. But nope ‘ennui’ doesn’t cut it. I’m not cool enough to be a snowman. I don’t lumber. And I’m not bored. My holiday could probably be more exciting sure. But really it’s turning out just fine – chill (but no snow) and relaxed. Time is the limiting factor here. Already, 2 weeks have passed. I don’t think that I spent it unwisely. But I do mildly wonder where the time went. Probably vanished into books and movies~. And meetings. Nods. Meetings. 4 this week – YMC, formators, core, CSS. Tsk tsk. Tuition too. But that’s just another way of saying ‘books’ lawl.

So yup ‘ennui’ aptly describes what I’m not feeling these days.

“Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.” – RELEVANT Magazine (http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish?start=1)

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One thought on “Ennui

  1. Pingback: Doldrums « Mel

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About Mel

I dreamt I was a whale. https://melvynfoo.wordpress.com/about-mel/