12: to whom can we go?

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

– John 6:68

Zomg. I feel cheated. I memorized Psalm 151:3 for today. Then I realized only just now that Psalm 151 is part of the Apocrypha. I thought it was part of the Deuterocanonical books. Zz. K la shall do this in reverse order then – shall do some personal reflection, then find a verse.

A block of free time presented itself tonight. Sadly, I squandered almost half of it away on being slothful. Bleh. Other than that. Read a little. And finally got round to sending a very overdue reply to Andreu. Thinking of him always puts my life in perspective. (Doesn’t help very much that I just watched a TEDtalk yesterday about an introvert who enjoyed 7 years of bliss writing a book, declaring that she probably would have became a writer instead of a lawyer if she didn’t believe that she had to assert herself as much as the world told her to.)

“Already the new men are dotted here and there all over the earth. Some, as I have admitted, are still hardly recognizable: but others can be recognised. Every now and then one meets them. Their very voices and faces are different from ours: stronger, quieter, happier, more radiant. They begin where most of us leave off. They are, I say, recognisable; but you must know what to look for. They will not be very like the idea of ‘religious people’ which you have formed from your general reading. They do not draw attention to themselves. You tend to think you are being kind to them when they are really being kind to you. They love you more than other men do, but they need you less…..They will usually seem to have a lot of time: you will wonder where it comes from. When you have recognised one of them, you will recognise the next one much more easily. And I strongly suspect (but how should I know?) that they recognise one another immediately and infallibly, across every barrier of colour, sex, class, age, and even of creeds. In that way, to become holy is rather like joining a secret society. To put it at its very lowest, it must be great fun.”

I keep quoting from CS Lewis I know. Too awesome not to. Here’s another:

“Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death to your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”

I wanna go on a writing retreat. Or a reading retreat. For reasons I don’t understand, my old ghosts are back to haunt me. Or did they never really go away; am I only starting to realize just how present they were? I’m suddenly weary. But where else is there to go? Who else is there to turn to?

It’s March. 10 more months. That’s all that’s left. I don’t see how it can happen. But then again, ‘how’ was always a question for You. I may have set the rules, but You’re playing the game now. 


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About Mel

I dreamt I was a whale. https://melvynfoo.wordpress.com/about-mel/