16: Zacchaeus

Then Jesus said to [Zacchaeus], “Today salvation has come to this house, because he too is a son of Abraham.”

– Luke 19:9

It struck me that although Jesus said this right after Zaccheus pledged his wealth away, he didn’t justify Zacchaeus’ salvation by what he did. He justified it by who Zacchaeus is. It’s back to that theme of (after)life not being about doing something but being someone. 

A couple of things made last night a bit more heavy than it should have been. First would be the advo cup results. Second would be an Unmentionable.

Is it possible to have great hope and great excitement for something, yet not expect that something to come to pass? If it were, then the disappointment that arose from my hopes but tempered by my expectations would be what I felt when the results came out. It’s not so much a sense of inadequacy as it is a loss of opportunity.

I mentioned previously that old ghosts were coming back. Another specter presented itself last night. Perhaps it’s a lenten thing. Bleh. I especially dislike the fact that they are old. If they are new things, then ok fine perhaps I can rationalize my own growth. But old issues are… old. “Hello darkness, my old friend / I’ve come to talk with you again.”

Identity is very powerful consolation. I don’t think it makes struggles any less. But it does provide strength; it makes us more able to endure them. In general, YMC retreat was a really good time of re-centering. But also, a good time of healing, growing, and affirmation.

It’s a little past the middle of the sem. And hell week just happened. Next week is not too bad – probably purgatory or something. I’m not kidding myself though; gonna be back in hell in a few more weeks time. So, all things said, this retreat was like the way God’s plans work, like the way Jesus just happened to stop below the sycomore tree and look up at Zacchaeus – Perfectly Timed.

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About Mel

I dreamt I was a whale. https://melvynfoo.wordpress.com/about-mel/