(At last, I have a legit reason to use this word.)
After 12 draining rounds of voting, we have a new core: Jes, Soo, Kong, Von, Greg.
We are strange creatures. We wish for things, and then we mope when we get them. When my name was struck off the list, I was surprised by the sharp pang I felt. As much as I did not want to be in the next core, I could not help feeling insecure. Did I not do a good enough job?
But such dejection is superficial and will pass. Of deeper concern is the fear.
So much of my community life was cradled in core – the involvement, the authority, the doing-shading-into-the-being. My prayer buddy is in core. And I am afraid of losing these – friendships chipped away by information asymmetry and experiential disjuncts; presence diminished without leadership to counter the introversion.
As I walked back home, I felt a little aimless. Then I felt a little weightless. And as I walked on, the loss decreased and the freedom increased, and along with that came the usual excitement and the assurance when God closes a door to lead you through another.
I told God that I’d properly consider RCPM if I didn’t get into core. I guess it’s time to properly get my ass down to praying about it.