I am utterly exhausted.
My first rehearsal on Monday was a 4-hour slot with just three people – my director, my co-star and me (lawl). It was quite immensely fun.
But when I got to the car after rehearsal, alone in my private mobile bubble (which is what I most value about a car sometimes) where I no longer have to put on a front, I felt it all – the tiredness, the social energy debt, the cathartic void. I did not realise how draining this would be. It was reminiscent of mooting. Or a WYD crowd.
Just a lot, and I really mean a lot, more fun.
Mesa moments are liberating. You get to immerse yourself in the doing, beyond ego and self-consciousness, losing track of time, wildly abandoning vanity and pride. It is ironic that life can be lived so fully while acting.
My second rehearsal was 8 hours long – 4 x 2-hour slots. By the end of my third slot, I wanted to hide myself in a toilet cubicle and do the introvert thing. But my ego and/or my dedication didn’t allow me to.
Don’t get me wrong. I am immensely thankful for whatever graces that got me into the audition hall, and then through it. Being in a musical is on my bucket list and I am nowhere near regretting putting it there, or striking it off.
But my Advent project is kinda failing because I have not had much scope for anything apart from Law IV. And Yi Kai, of course. He is a given lol.
Though I did end the day with ado. And thus, all is well.