Two: Pros & Cons; Reasons & Fears

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Some caveats:

(1) The two lists should be read cumulatively.

(2) The two lists should not be read in a quantitative way. I have merely brainstormed as many pros / cons / reasons / fears as possible. The qualitative analysis – whether and to what extent each point is valid – will come in the next few weeks.

(3) Accordingly, it does not matter that the lists may have repeated and/or overlapping points.


Monday 15 Feb

I won my first proper fight in Court today: an ASD application with borderline evidence of fraud. Opposing counsel was much more senior, very unprepared (he wasn’t even familiar with our reply affidavit), and your typical more-heat-than-light lawyer.

But what is really more remarkable is how little (if any at all) consolation I derived from the victory.

Tuesday 16 Feb

Our firm had a branding meeting today; we are in the midst of re-branding ourselves. It is an exciting time, and there is so much potential for growth.

And I could be an integral part of this.

Wednesday 17 Feb

I wrote about C in my GEP post. It is clear that he thinks and feels a lot. But he is so guarded. He shares so little, communicates only at a head level, and participates minimally. Nevertheless, despite my frustrations at our inability to get through and at his adamant Sunday-Catholic attitude, I always had high hopes for him.

Today, C suddenly asked Aunty E if he could change parish. He explained that it is a hassle getting to SFX, as he lives in Hougang.

We cannot stop him if he truly wants to, of course. But I really hope he changes his mind. At least, I hope he articulates the actual reason why he wants to leave SFX.

Thursday 18 Feb

During lunch, F asked me, “What do you look forward to at work?”

That is a leading question.

Friday 19 Feb

I met a witness on my own to affirm his AEIC. Like what Boss would do, I took the witness through various lines of cross-examination to verify the accuracy of his affidavit. Though the points I put to him were short and simple, I was still surprised by how easily cross-examination came to me.

This file is explosive. With D on the other side, that is not surprising. One day before AEICs were due for exchange, we informed them that we would be providing voluntary particulars, out of an abundance of caution to preclude D from arguing that certain portions of our AEIC were not pleaded. They objected, alleging that we were changing our case. We replied, proposing a consent amendment instead. They refused. The next day, we filed a summons for amendment and EOT. A few days later, they filed a summons for an unless order to exchange AEICs within 3 days, requesting for an urgent hearing date. In our latest response, we put them on notice to inform the Court of our previous correspondences and to fix their summons hearing on the same date as ours.

It is eye-opening to see how masters play the litigation game. I should be cynical; instead, I am quite fascinated to learn how strategic our manoeuvres can be.

This is chess. Who, then, are the pawns?

Saturday 20 Feb

Today captured a microcosm of the tension in my current discernment.

I spent the majority of the day at CBN Retreat. Various luminaries I met included the former CCO of Ball (who saw my watch and started talking to me about it), the CEO of Creative Eateries (who came up randomly to Boss and I after hearing us play, and proposed having open mike sessions in Crossings), and the Chief Medical Informatics Officer of JurongHealth (who has 6 children).

It occurred to me that if I had the patience and fortitude, I could become like them one day. And then it occurred to me that I was assuming that these people had trudged through a Work-Life Model to get to where they are today.

It also occurred to me that what TOEL said about grown-ups was very true:

“Grown-ups don’t look like grown-ups on the inside either. Outside, they’re big and thoughtless and they always know what they’re doing. Inside, they look just like they always have. Like they did when they were your age. Truth is, there aren’t any grown-ups. Not one, in the whole wide world.”

At night, I went down to OYP to have a session with the Rafflesian Catholics. I was positively extroverted. After the one-to-one sharing, the fellow INFJ whom I was sharing with texted me:

“Hey Melvin, I was trying to express my feelings in many different words just now, but this is what I wanted to say:
Thank you for having the talk with me I needed my whole life

(Ok will stop being cheesy and sentimental soon but) It’s times like tonight that makes bearing out desolation worth it (in a sense it’s a fruit of desolation? Desolation forced me to learn so much and appreciate and realise the need for this conversation to happen)
And really really really praise the Lord for making everything fall into place exactly as it did, exactly as it needed to (but I could never have)”

I compared the way I felt after reading that, to the way I felt after Monday’s win. The difference is not just in degree, but in kind.


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About Mel

I dreamt I was a whale.